


No Homo

by Meggs13



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: First Time, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, they are both idiots actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 09:08:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13384626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meggs13/pseuds/Meggs13
Summary: Minseok needs to get laid... Like now!Jongdae is willing to help, but he's quick to add no-homo!After they hook up, Jongdae can't help but to find himself thinking 'well maybe a little homo'





	No Homo

It's Tuesday, and Tuesday's can only mean one thing. Jjajangmyeon and maekju at Jongdae's apartment with Minseok. Ever since they graduated from college and entered the grown up world, this has been a weekly ritual of theirs.

Minseok's job as a very successful personal trainer and Jongdae's as an equally successful photographer/writer for a music magazine, doesn't allow them a lot of time to spend together. But Tuesday is always theirs, Tuesday is their day to relax, unwind, and bitch about the shit in their life that can't be summed up in a nightly phone call or brief text sent throughout the rest of the week.

Jongdae loves Tuesday's, hell he nearly lives for them, because there's nothing he loves more than spending time with his darling Minnie. Minseok is his best friend, his brother and he'd do anything for him... Which might just be tested tonight.

"I don't know what it is, but it's driving me crazy, I need to get laid, bad" Minseok says leaning back against Jongdae's couch, throwing his feet up onto the coffee table in agitation "I mean, I've had my dry spells, but this is just ridiculous"

Jongdae chuckles and pats his best friend on the arm "it'll be ok Minnie, I mean I've never been with a dude, so I don't know how it feels to want to have a dick up your ass, but you'll get over it"

Minseok rolls his eyes, Jongdae and him have been best friends for years, since middle school, but they never really talk about Minseok's preference. Even after he came out in high school, Jongdae never brought it up in conversation.

It's not that he's weirded out by it, actually it's very much the opposite, Jongdae was very supportive of Minseok in high school, even going as far as to get himself suspended for beating the shit out of a kid who was giving Minseok a hard time.

Jongdae's just never felt the need to bring attention to it, because to him Minseok is Minseok no matter who he dates.

"I'm tempted to just go out and find a random at a bar, just to let out a little steam" Minseok jokes, crossing his arms over his chest.

Jongdae scoffs, slapping his friend on the thigh "don't you dare, people who are looking to hook up at bars are gross, desperate, and full of diseases. You deserve better than that"

"Says the person who made me drive him to the clinic the second it opened at six in the morning because he thought he had crabs" Minseok says giving Jongdae a pointed look.

Jongdae holds his hands up in defense "hey, you don't mess around with a girl like that without getting tested afterwards"

Minseok sighs, having had this conversation many times and tired of sounding like a broken record "maybe you shouldn't screw around with someone who works at a carnival permanently, at all"

Jongdae snorts "but come on, Minnie, the things this girl could do with her.."

"Ok, ok, ok" Minseok stops his friend, holding a hand to his mouth "I've heard the story, I have no interest in hearing it again"

Jongdae grins against Minseok's hand and shakes his head, when his mouth is uncovered "but seriously, you can't just go hook up with a random person, you're not the type"

"Well what else am I supposed to do? I don't have any single gay friends I can hook up with, and I don't have anyone I can just call anytime for a one night stand like you do" Minseok crosses his arms, clearly frustrated with the situation. 

Jongdae sits back for a second and thinks, he really wants to help Minseok, but he's also never had this problem. Out of the both of them, he's always been the more promiscuous, the one who's always had a phone full of phone numbers he could call if he needed a good time. But Minseok's different, he's sweet and kind, he's always been the relationship type, the one to wear his heart on his sleeve, and the one to get his heart broken so easily.

It's one of the reasons Jongdae is so protective over the little guy, because his best friend needs him. This world would ruin his Minnie if he didn't interfere.

With this thought Jongdae suddenly gets an idea, a way to fix both of their problems. He hesitates, but only for a moment, before he decides the hell with it.

"How about we hook up?" Jongdae says suddenly.

Minseok stares wide eyed at his best friend, blinking steadily before busting out into gut busting laughter. Jongdae sets his jaw and sits back waiting till the older calms down a little.

And once he does stop laughing, he leans over and punches Jongdae on the leg, to which Jongdae winces because of the unnatural strength his friend possesses "what was that for?"

Minseok shakes his head still giggling slightly "I thought you were serious for a second"

Jongdae lifts an eyebrow and huffs at the man in front of him "I am serious"

Minseok freezes and swallows thickly, a small strangled laugh falling from his lips showing his anxiety "come on Dae, you've never even been with a guy before, and there's that little issue of you being straight"

Jongdae shrugs "Hey, I'll try anything once, especially if it's in the sake of helping out a friend"

"Dae, you've never even kissed a guy before" 

Jongdae scoffs "it can't be any different than kissing a girl"

Minseok rolls his eyes "trust me, Dae, it is"

Jongdae leans forwards, a challenging smirk resting on his lips "try me"

Minseok scoffs, shaking his head again at his friends obscurities "this is ridiculous, Dae, quit being weird"

Jongdae groans and places his hand on his best friends arm "come on Minnie, let's just give it a try"

Minseok attempts to pry his friends hand off while trying to come up with any and every excuse for why this is the worst idea his friend has ever come up with and Jongdae is nearly famous for his bad ideas.

"Dae, this isn't..."

"Come on Minsok, quit being pain in the ass about this and just give me a chance. It's a win win for us, we both get laid and we know the other is safe, this is the opportune situation" Jongdae inputs, squeezing the hamster like man harder.

"Dae...I..." Minseok stutters, trying his best not to believe his best friend has a point.

"Minnie" Jongdae whines, starting to shake his friend almost like a rag doll "please please plea-"

But the last plead out of Jongdae's mouth isn't heard, because it's swallowed by his bestfriend, when Minseok's  lips mold against his, in rushed persistence.

He's determined, any second now Jongdae will push him away, spouting off about it being gross and saying his signature 'no homo' and they'll put this behind them... But Jongdae doesn't push nor does he pull away.

Minseok makes the decision, and just quickly as it began, he pulls back, his breath labored and his head spinning. He looks up to see what state Jongdae could possibly be in, he regrets it instantly.

Jongdae sits there frozen as Minseok settles back onto his side of the couch. He stares wide eyed at his friend, not knowing exactly what to say, not knowing how to word how he feels right now.

"I told you that was a bad idea" Minseok says, biting at his lip, feeling helpless as his best friend stares at him like he suddenly just shifted into a wild animal.

Jongdae swallows the lump in his throat and clears it, gathering himself together "n-no... Not bad... Just unexpected" he laughs nervously "you were right though, it... It is different than kissing a girl"

Minseok glances over at the foxlike boy with an incredulous expression "you mean you're not like completely weirded out? You still want to be my friend after that?"

Jongdae rolls his eyes and fixes Minseok with a pointed stare "it'll take a lot more than a damn kiss to ruin years together you twit, and honestly... No homo, but it was actually pretty good"

"Oh my gods, you did not just 'no homo' me after something like that" Minseok groans throwing his face into a seat cushion that was laying on the couch.

Jongdae shrugs "ok, sorry, but seriously, kiss me again"

Minseok peeks out from behind the pillow, his voice flows out, laced with agitation "really? You still want to go for this?"

Jongdae laughs, and hops up with his knees tucked under him, wiggling his body excitedly "of course, think of me as that tipsy sorority girl at every college party, I'm willing to try anything once"

"You're ridiculous" Minseok shakes his head, furrowing his eyebrows at the dork sitting beside him.

"No, you're being ridiculous, now kiss me, asshole"

Minseok knows better than to resist the boy this time, for he'd just annoy the shit out of him until he gave in anyways. 

He sets the pillow down and slides  across the couch, directly facing a slightly nervous but still excited Jongdae.

"Are you sure about this, Dae?" He asks, but the boy just sighs out annoyed and grabs the sides of his face.

"Quit thinking, marshmallow, just go with what feels right" then his lips are once again connecting with the others.

Minseok resists for a few seconds before finding himself thinking "what the hell" and sinking into the kiss.

He has to hand it to his best friend, he is a good kisser and he likes the way he feels in the younger's arms. Jongdae has always been the stronger of the two of them, but like this, he feels protected, safe. Like nothing bad can possibly happen while Jongdae has him held close.

Minseok finds himself grabbing Jongdae's shirt collar and pulling him against his body, slowly sliding back until he lies against the couch with Jongdae on top of him. Not once  breaking their intense lip lock.

Minsok gasps into the kiss when Jongdae grinds down , forcing their crotches together and causing sweet friction.

"Mmm, Dae" Minseok moans out before thinking about his word choices.

Jongdae stops and pulls back, his eyes hooded and blown wide "say my name again"

"D-Dae" Minseok stutters out, embarrassed.

Jongdae smirks slightly and rolls his hips, emitting a loud moan from the man under him followed by the sexiest form of his name he's ever heard.

"There it is" Jongdae chuckles and slides his palm over his friends chest, delirious with how responsive the boy is as he arches into his touch "I didn't know you were so vocal, it seems like something Junmyeon would have mentioned"

Minseok reaches up and threads his hand into Jongdae's hair, grasping the strands and gripping hard "I don't want to talk about my ex right now, Dae"

Jongdae nods once, trying his best not to wince as his hair is pulled rather roughly "right, sorry" 

Jongdae's hand travels down to Minseok's hem line and slides back up underneath the man's shirt till he finds the small buds he's looking for.

"This feels a lot different than a girls chest" he comments, rolling his fingers over the sensitive skin.

Minseok back arches "did you expect me to have boobs?"

Jongdae shakes his head and lifts up Minseok's shirt, exposing his nipples, then leans down and gives them light kittenish licks "no, it's just different, not bad, just... Different"

Minseok moans "fuck, Dae"

Jongdae smirks, hooking his lips around Minseok's nipple and sucking hard, before flicking his tongue back and forth quickly.

"Dae, stop, too much" Minseok whines, forcefully pulling at his friends brown curly locks.

Jongdae chuckles and sits up "sensitive nips, noted"

Minseok's shakes his head and sits up too, reaching down to pull his shirt off, followed by unbuttoning his pants, to which Jongdae mirrors.

"You're going to have to guid me, I'm kind of running blind here" Jongdae says, sliding his jeans down his legs.

Minseok stands and slips his own shorts off his body "well first of all, we're not fucking on your couch, were better than that, and second of all except for the prep, it's not exactly different from doing it with a girl"

"How do you know" Jongdae asks, standing up and grabbing Minseok's hand, leading him to the bedroom.

"Eh, I have friends... Who like to tell me in vivid detail about their escapades" Minseok says, glancing over his shoulder briefly at a proud, and not even close to shameful, Jongdae "and I tried watching straight porn a couple times" Minseok mentions as Jongdae sits him down on the bed.

"How did that go?" Jongdae barks a laugh, crawling onto the bed, hovering over the hamster like man.

Minseok laughs and smooths his hands over Jongdae's chest "well let's just say I know I'm definitely gay"

Jongdae snorts and leans down, pulling Minseok back to his lips, while Minseok's hands map out the contour of his best friends body.

He hadn't realized before how muscular Dae actually is. It's kind of a turn on to think his friend takes such good car of his body. Healthy is a kink for Minseok, it kind of comes with the territory of being a personal trainer.

Jongdae's own hands wander, sliding down Minseok's abdomen, almost proud at the solid washboard abs he feels under his fingers. He knows how hard the older worked to get those, and he's happy for his friends accomplishments. He keeps exploring till he connects with something hard and something he's not use to finding in this area.

Jongdae breaks the kiss and looks down, massaging the length with curiosity "it didn't take much for you to get hard, are you nips really that sensitive?"

Minseok not wanting his friend to stop, the wonderful palming of his erection but feeling the need to prove a point, rolls his eyes and pushes Jongdae up onto his knees. He leans forward locking his lips onto Jongdae's own nipple, forcing a small gasp out if the man.

"S-shit" he curses, his fingers digging into the solid flesh of Minseok's shoulders, at the man bites down lightly.

Minseok pulls away with a pop "exactly... You've really never had anyone play with your nipples before?"

Jongdae shakes his head "I don't think girls pay attention to that area on guys"

Minseok nods, "ok, well... Let's just get to it, do you have any lube?"

It's Jongdae turn to roll his eyes and he climbs off the bed and heads across the room to his dresser, rummaging around for the bottle of lube he bought a couple of months ago. The girl he had a thing with was into some weird shit, but he doesn't judge and thanks to her, is prepared for something like this.

He turns around, and nearly drops the bottle when he greeted by a naked Minseok, laying on the bed with a hand on his length, stroking himself slowly. The older has his head tossed back, exposing the pale expanse of his neck and breathing roughly.

"I mean, I know I said 'no homo' but fuck, Seok, that's fucking hot" Jongdae says, his own chest rising and falling rapidly as he watches his best friend get off in front of him.

Minseok lifts his head, his eyes hooded, and his lips parted "come here" he says huskily and Jongdae has no power to disobey.

"Hand me the bottle" Minseok orders and the small bottle is shoved (kind of forcefully) into his hand.

Minseok lifts his knees up, placing his heels on the bed, then opens the lube and coats his fingers thoroughly. He looks up and makes eye contact with his best fiend who's watching him intently, keeling in front of him on the bed.

Minseok takes and deep breath and slowly slides one finger into his heat, pumping deeper each time. He does this often, so it's nothing new to him, but Jongdae watches with fascination as Minseok little hole seems to suck his finger inside with greedy need, followed quickly by a second.

Minseok's speed increases slightly, his hips moving as he spreads himself open. Minseok goes to add a third finger, when Jongdae catches his wrist.

"C-can I try?" Jongdae asks, his eyes flickering between Minseok's hooded gaze and his fluttering hole.

Minseok swallows thickly and nods, retracting his fingers, even though all he wants to to be filled. Jongdae reaches forward and places his hands under Minseok's ass, pulling the older closer, much to the older's surprise.

Jongdae reaches over and grabs the bottle of lube, placing a small amount on his fingers, because Minseok's pretty slick as it is. To the older's delight, Jongdae wastes no time in sliding into him. His fingers start wiggling and thrusting in and out, getting a feel for things, causing Minseok to toss his head back and moan loudly.

"Fuck, Dae" Minseok calls out, bucking his hips up in synch with Jongdae's thrusts "a-another" he pants out.

Jongdae complies, amazed by the tight heat surrounding his fingers and how affected Minseok seems to be by his actions. 

Jongdae suddenly is filled with a sense of want, want for his best friend. He wants to watch Minseok unravel beneath his touch, wants to see him wrecked just by his dick inside of him, and more importantly he wants to ruin Minseok to the point where the boy can't move for days without thinking about him.

"Fuck, Dae, please" Minseok begs and he has to admit he likes the sound of it.

He starts thrusting his fingers harder and deeper inside of the man, quickly adding a third, enamored with how well Minseok takes them.

Minseok groans when he's had enough of Jongdae's little exploration and grabs his arm forcing his fingers to retreat. 

Jongdae gives him a curious and slightly panicked expression "what? Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you?"

Minseok shakes his head, and sits up, pushing Jongdae down onto the bed, so he's laying on his back, while the younger still stares up at him with deep concern.

"You're taking to long, I need you to fuck me, now" Minseok says, reaching for Jongdae's length, surprised to find it so hard "i figured I'd have to suck you first to get you hard"

Jongdae shrugs and smirks "you can still blow me, I won't mind"

Minseok gives his best friend and 'really?' Look and goes back to the point at hand. He grips Jongdae harder, starting to pump slowly, to which the foxlike boy, groans and rolls his head back.

"Damn it, Seok" Jongdae moans out, rolling his hips up to meet Minseok's strokes.

Minseok whines, watching the way Jongdae's strong thighs clench and his hips move in smooth, long strokes and quickly becomes impatient.

He scrambles onto Jongdae's lap, much to the younger's surprise causing his head to snap up, just in time to see Minseok aligning Jongdae's member with his hole. Jongdae's breath catches at the sight, it's so erotic he almost feels like he should look away, but he can't, especially when Minseok starts slowly sinking down onto his dick, surrounding him in a delicious heat, that makes his head spin.

"Fuck" Jongdae curses, placing his hands on Minseok's hips to help him steady and to guide himself.

Minseok finally slips all of Jongdae inside of him and takes a deep breath, holding himself up with his hands on Jongdae's chest. Minseok moans, closing his eyes, while feeling Jongdae pulse inside of him, which he has to admit is amazing.

Jongdae rubs circles across Minseok's hip bone, gently assuring the boy to take his time, but also to give him something to take his mind off of the want to flip the older onto his back and fuck him into his mattress.

That is, until he feels the man on top, starting to swivel his hips around in circles and random patters, all while fully penetrated.

Jongdae wants to curse again, but every word stays lodged in his throat, along with all air, when Minseok lifts himself up and slides back down. Minseok moans, repeating the motion, then starting into a rhythm, riding Jongdae's dick like a pro. 

This thought does things to Jongdae, and he catches himself wondering how many people Minseok have been with. He knows of all his boyfriends and relationships, but damn, could Minseok really be this experienced with all of those low class losers. Even his good friend Junmyeon looks like he'd be as boring as they can get in the bedroom.

Junmyeon... That name strikes a cord with Jongdae. He wonders what Minseok ever saw in their mutual friend. He wonders if Junmyeon is secretly a sex God and that's why Minseok tried to make it work as long as he did.

Jongdae silently sneers at the idea of Junmyeon being anywhere near a sexual deviant and sits up, wrapping his arms around a very surprised Minseok and forcing him onto his back.

He paces himself, making sure start off with slow, deep strokes, getting the feel for how Minseok likes it. But when Minseok looks into his eyes, nearly begging for more, Jongdae is more than happy to give it to him.

He picks up his pace, thrusting into the older, forcing heavy skin against skin slapping sounds to echo through the room. He rounds off at just shy of pounding the man into the headboard, and keeps up his brutal pace, proud of having the stamina he does.

Minseok scrambles to grab onto something, which happens to be Jongdae. Minseok wraps his thighs around Jongdae hips and his hands around his biceps, holding tightly. 

The noises and pleasured sounds spilling from Minseok's lips is like a symphony Jongdae spent his life conducting; the sounds the man is making are so beautiful, he just wants to stop and record it so he'll always have it.

Jongdae leans forward and places his hands on either side of Minseok's head, working at a new angle, and by still maintaining his pace.

Suddenly Minseok's back arches and he screams out a curse, making Jongdae stops dead in his movements.

"What, what happened? Did I hurt you?"

"No, no. Please don't stop" Minseok begs, bucking upward, trying to get Jongdae to move again.

Jongdae, a little hesitantly starts to move again, and this time when Minseok has the same reaction, he realizes it's not out of pain, but pleasure. 

Jongdae's heard about the male g-spot. He has a lot of gay friends and he gets around, so it's not something entirely new to him, but seeing what it does up close. The look of unadulterated pleasure radiating across Minseok's face, nearly has Jongdae cumming at the sight.

"Min, are you close?" Jongdae asks, his strokes starting to stutter as his quickly  approaching orgasm, messes up his rhythm.

Minseok whines, nodding frantically and reaches for his member, to which Jongdae knocks his hand away from, taking it in his own hand.

Jongdae gives Minseok a couple fast, and hard strokes before the boy calls out, his body lifting from the bed, and cum shooting all over his stomach, and Jongdae's hand.

Minseok collapses back on the bed, breathing heavily, while staring up at Jongdae with half lidded, wrecked eyes. The sight alone, of Minseok covered in his own release, panting beneath erratically him, and staring at him with the sexiest bedroom eyes he's ever seen, pushes him right over the edge.

Jongdae comes with a high pitched moan of Minseok's name, and has to catch himself on the bed before he crushes his best friend, who clenches around him, forcing his orgasm to be more intense that it already is.

"Fuck, Seok, quit squeezing me" Jongdae says through gritted teeth, when it becomes to much, and is instantly released from the vice grip.

He slips out of Minseok, already missing the heat, and judging by the way Minseok's hole flutters, trying to pull him back in, he's not the only one missing the loss.

He falls onto the bed beside his best friend, the sound of two guys trying to catch their breaths is the only thing to be heard. Minseok finally breaks the silence and rolls over, draping an arm across Jongdae's chest.

"Ok, you were right, that was amazing, and I feel so much better" Minseok says, snuggling into the crook of the younger's neck.

Jongdae chuckles and brings his arm down, carding his fingers through the olders hair "told you, see I don't always have bad ideas"

Minseok rolls his eyes and playfully nips Jongdae's neck "can I stay or are you going to kick me out like all the other girls?"

Jongdae shakes his head, amused "you're not like anyone else, Minseok, especially not those girls... Now, let's get some sleep, suddenly I'm very exhausted"

Minseok snorts, shaking his head at his best friend, but nevertheless agreeing to exhaustion and snuggles closer to the brunette, quickly falling asleep to the feeling of Jongdae's fingers in his hair and the sound of Jongdae's heartbeat, thrumming against his ear.

>>>>>

Jongdae rolls over, groaning as the damning light flooding into the room, zeros it's attack on his face. He pulls the blanket over his head, stubbornly refusing to open his eyes and accept that he has to get up. Jongdae slept like a log last night, and just wants to go back to sleep and surrender to whatever unnatural, but not unwelcome, force caused him to sleep like a baby.

Jongdae moves forward, expecting to be caressed by his soft extra pillow he usually ends up cuddling instead of laying his head on, but in place of his normal pillow cuddle buddy, he connects with a warm soft surface that is definitely not his pillow. 

His eyes fly open and is greeted by the wide orbs of his best friends eyes. Minseok stares at Jongdae, forcing the younger to count the seconds and nearly hold his breath.

Finally Jongdae can't take the silence anymore and mutters out a short "good morning"

Minseok bites his lip and rolls onto his back. He brings his arm up and covers his eyes "we slept together, Dae"

Jongdae clears his throat "yes, yes we did"

"Oh my gods" Minseok suddenly wails.

Jongdae is on his knees and pulling Minseok into his arms in a flash "Woah, calm down. Don't do this"

"No, Jongdae... Y-you don't understand... We had sex, Dae" Minseok says, wrapping his arm around the others waist.

"I know, and it was really good"

"Like, we're best friends, Jongdae, and you know i don't do casual...this is so-" Minseok halts mid rant and pulls out of Jongdae's grasp "wait, did you say it was good?"

Jongdae blinks at the man in front of him and nods slowly at the abrupt change "yeah, it was really good. We kind of synced with each other, like we knew what the other liked and what we didn't like... it was actually some of the best i've had... and i've had a lot, so be proud of that"

Minseok takes a deep breath, letting all of that settle in his head "so, like you're not freaking out? You don't perpetually hate me?"

Jongdae chuckles loudly and climbs over his friend, really needing to relieve his bladder "why would i hate you, Min? We're just two best friends who had an awesome night together, honestly we should be high fiving, not freaking out about it"

Minseok sighs in slight relief "so we're ok?" 

Jongdae stops before his bathroom door and turns around "we're fine, Minnie. You're still my best friend and nothing's changed, except we're both sexually satisfied now"

Minseok smiles at his friend and jumps out of bed "do you want pancakes?"

"Sounds great" Jongdae says, watching the man skip from his room in his boxers, which he has to stop himself from thinking about how good Minseok looks in them.

Jongdae turns around and walks into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. As soon as the latch clicks, he slides down the bathroom door, clutching at his chest.

'What the hell?' He thinks as his heart pounds in his chest, his mind racing with images of last night.

He's not supposed to feel like this, he never feels like this. The tightening in his chest argues with him however, while his heart pounds.

Minseok is his best friend, he was never supposed to like the feeling of waking up next to him, or hell the feeling of being inside him. Also the little fact that he isn't gay, he likes boobs and vaginas, a great deal actually.

Jongdae shakes his head trying to get last night out of it. This was a one time thing, just a little casual sex to help out a friend. He does this all the time, he's the king of casual hookups, so why can't he just treat this like a normal morning after? 

Breakfast, slight conversation, then you send them on their way, till the next time you need one anoth-... But that's just it, Minseok isn't just a casual hookup.

Minseok is his best friend, he's everything to him. They talk everyday and that's if I don't get a chance to see one another. He's a constant presence in Jongdae's life and he can't just cut him out until the next time he needs him. It doesn't work that way with friends, at least not those kind of friends.

"Jongdae, I found chocolate chips, you game?" Minseok calls from the kitchen.

Jongdae swallows the huge lump in his throat and steadies his voice "hell yeah, Minnie. Be out in a second"

The responding "okay" is so cheerful and light... And it nearly breaks his heart.

He definitely can't do that type of thing to that little angel out there. His best friend is precious, is fragile. He promised things wouldn't change between them, and that's exactly what is going to happen. 

Jongdae heaves a sigh and stands up, whatever it is, it'll pass. Maybe he just needs a little breakfast and to get some normalcy back between his best friend and him, then everything will be fine.

 

>>>>

 

Everything isn't fine. Jongdae is literally freaking out. He hasn't talked to Minseok in nearly two days, despite the the older blowing up his phone seemingly every other minute. 

He can't bring himself to talk to the man, he doesn't even know what to say, which is weird within itself, because never in the many years they've been friends, has Jongdae been at a loss for words around his best friend. But now it's different, now it's complicated.

Jongdae can't even bring himself to do his normal thing to make himself feel better, which is have a meaningless and emotionless hookup. He knows no one he can find will be better than Minseok. Jongdae really meant what he said, that night was one of the best he's ever had, but there was more to it.

Jongdae's never connected physically with someone like that, or connected emotionally... Ever. Jongdae never does this, he never feels this. Sex is all about disconnect, is just about pleasure and that's it... But gods, he can't get that night with Minseok out of his fucking head. The way the man moaned, the way the man moved, and especially the way the man looked at him as if he was the one thing keeping him together when he was falling apart.

Jongdae groans, slightly turned on, and throws himself back into his office chair, sagging down like a board child would at a doctors office.

"You look like shit" a deep rumbling voice interrupts his inner monologue.

"Not today Chanyeol, go fuck Baekhyun in the copy room or something" Jongdae growls, not in the mood for his friend's antics.

"Dude, i earnestly wanted to come check on you. You weren't at our weekly get together, and Minseok called Baek last night, he sounded upset, but Baekhyun wouldn't tell me what they talked about... But by the look of you, I think i have an idea it has something to do with you two"

Jongdae's face pinches. Minseok called Baekhyun? He sounded upset? This information just causes a fresh and new type of pain to surge through him. The last thing he wanted was to upset Minseok in any way, but in his attempt to settle his own feelings, he ended up hurting his best friend's. Jongdae groans pathetically, feeling like a bigger asshole than he usually does.

Jongdae looks up at a curious and expectant Chanyeol. He pauses for a second, mulling over the consequences of what opening up to the giant will have on him. "we slept together"

Chanyeol's eyes widen to impossible sizes, almost reminding him of Minseok, which brings on a whole round of ache he's been trying to avoid.

"Dude, seriously? But you're not..."

"I know, but I'm sexually promiscuous, I'm open to new things, I'm fucking Kim Jongdae. If I want to try sex with a dude, then I'll have sex with a dude. Not a big deal" he says, slapping his hand against the desk.

Chanyeol makes his way into the room, smartly closing the door behind him "so, what? It was bad, and now things are awkward between you two?"

Jongdae worries at his lip "exactly the opposite, it was amazing and I can't fucking get it... Get him out of my head"

Chanyeol blinks at him, taking this information in "so fuck him again, it's not like this is a new concept for you. When you find good sex, it takes at least a couple sessions for you to get it out of your system"

"But that's the problem, Minseok isn't someone I want to 'fuck out of my system' he's my best friend Yeol and I love him, no homo"

Chanyeol tilts his head to the side "maybe that's the problem"

"What is?"

"Maybe it is a little homo, Dae" Chanyeol drawls out his name like he's a child and he's trying to get his attention "maybe you saw Minseok in a different light and maybe you liked what you saw"

"But I'm not gay" Jongdae points out.

"Does it really matter anymore? These days everyone is a little gay, it's a 'love is love' movement, the lines aren't as black and white as they use to be" Chanyeol says stretching out and crossing his legs casually.

Jongdae sighs "you know I'm the last person to be persistent about my sexuality, but this is something I'm very certain of... I'm not attracted to guys, I'm not into dicks and balls"

"And Minseok's dick?" Chanyeol asks with a slight smirk.

Jongdae swallows hard, remembering how Minseok's dick felt in his hand, how erotic it had been to watch his best friend slid his hand up and down its length, the way it bounced against his abdomen while Jongdae was pounding into him.

"Fuck" Jongdae curses.

Chanyeol nods victoriously "we like what we like, Dae, you don't have to define how you feel about dicks just as much as I do about the weather. Don't fight what you want on a basis of self definition"

"But I don't know what I want" Jongdae whines pathetically.

Chanyeol cocks his head to the side "don't you? I've always thought of a relationship as, having a bestfriend that you like to have sex with. Baekhyun is my best friend before anything, but we also happen to have fantastic sex... Why wouldn't I want that permanently?"

"I don't want a relationship with Minseok, I'm not..."

"Gay, yeah, so I've heard. But honesty have you thought about it, you two talk constantly, always in each other's business, supporting and taking care of each other. Plus the way you talk to each other, like there's no boundaries, like the deepest parts of each other's souls have already been seen... Like lovers do" Chanyeol pauses like a teacher would, giving Jongdae a look like he needs to pay attention to what he's about to say next, because it'll be on the test "and have you ever noticed the way you touch him?"

Jongdae blinks rapidly, trying to think, but his brain fails to see any importance in the way he touches his best friend. He connects gazes with Chanyeol and shakes his head.

The giant rolls his eyes "you touch him like he's going to break into a million pieces, Dae. Every time you touch Minseok, it's so careful and comfortable, like he's the most precious thing in the world to you" Chanyeol smiles "actually when you first introduced me to Minseok when you started working here, I thought he was your boyfriend, everyone in the office thought you two were together for months, until Junmyeon caught you with your tongue down that one interns throat, you know the one with the big boobs, always wore tight skirts"

Jongdae takes in a deep breath, along with this new information. He never payed attention to the way he touches Minseok, he never thought that it was any different to how he touches anyone else, but now, looking back, he see that Chanyeol's right. Every time Jongdae touches Minseok, it's calculated, always making sure he's a gentle as possible (the other night excluded).

Jongdae's always treated Minseok like he's precious, because Minseok is precious to him. Ever since they were kids Minseok has needed Jongdae, relied on him, and even sought safety in him, so naturally Jongdae just took care of his best friend. Even to this day, every touch is aimed to be a comfort, to be something loving for the older. Jongdae never thought about how it would look to every one else, but to him it was his way of reassuring Minseok that he'd never have to be alone, that Jongdae will always be by his side.

"You know Minseok got a lot of shit in high school, right?" Jongdae asks, glancing up at Chanyeol surprised, but curious expression, taking it as a no, and an invitation to continue "Guys and even some girls were always picking on him, for his weight, his tendency to be quiet, and then when he came out, it just made it that much worse... i was beside him through it all, and i guess i just got use to touching him in a way everyone else refused to. I touched him in a way that made him feel loved, because i never wanted him to feel like he deserved anything less" Jongdae explains, looking up to find Chanyeol staring back in understanding, and a little bit of awe.

"I never heard you talk about anyone in that sort of way before, Dae. Usually when you do talk about your conquests, it's all cold and unemotional... see, man, even the way you talk about Minseok is in a way that a lover would. Maybe you've just been talking care of Minseok and tenderly handling him for so long, you mistake it for something other than what it actually is... love" Chanyeol notices his friend's distress at the bold words, and decides to go after this from a new angle "have you noticed a bit of a change, in the way you think about him or even the way you feel?"

Jongdae bunches his eyebrows and bites at his lips "i admit that i felt something the morning after, when i woke up next to Minseok, and while we ate breakfast... i caught myself thinking that i wouldn't mind that every day, that i wouldn't mind a life like this, which is something i've never felt for anyone. Usually i can barely stand a person for more than a couple months before they get annoying and trying with them just becomes too much effort" 

And that's not just with relationships, it's one of the reasons Jongdae never really had friends growing up, people were too much drama and too much of a headache. The one person that Jongdae got along with and actually wanted to spend time getting to know, was a little chubby kid, with a cute smile, named Minseok. 

Minseok had managed to get under Jongdae's skin, made himself at home, and refused to leave. Jongdae just didn't understand how well Minseok embedded himself because the boy already ran through his veins before he knew what was happening. 

He knows he feels deeply for Minseok and that he shares a bond with Minseok that will never be broken... But does Jongdae really feel this deeply?

"Love though?" He catches himself asking out loud.

Chanyeol chuckles and shrugs "it's easy to question whether or not you love someone, especially when your feelings are and have been blurred for a long time, but just think about what you feel for Minseok, think about how much you want him near you, how much you can't get him or the other night out of your head, how much you want to take care of him for the rest of your life... I mean bro love goes deep, but not that deep, Dae" 

Jongdae breathes out roughly as Chanyeol stands looking smug and satisfied "get out of my office, what the fuck gave you the right to be all wise and insightful?"

Chanyeol chuckles and turns, walking to the door "just think about it, man. I don't want to hear that tone in Minseok's voice when he calls asking for Baekhyun ever again"

Jongdae shrinks in on himself "I'll fix it, I promise. I just have to know what's broken first"

>>>>

Jongdae shuffles down the sidewalk, his normal lunch for two in hand. He had stupidly ordered another lunch as he usually does when he goes to that cafe, because it's Minseok's favorite. It's Sunday, and Jongdae still hasn't talked to Minseok in anything other than a few short texts assuring him that he's fine, they're fine, everything is fine. 

He lied and told Minseok that he's really busy at work with the monthly issue come out soon, which is true, but Jongdae is use to all of that. He just can't face the man yet, even though he's worked through the fact that he liked being physical with Minseok and it doesn't necessarily mean he's gay, he still hasn't figure out what that means.

Does it mean that he just wants Minseok? Does it mean he carries deeper feeling for his best friend? Is he really in love with Minseok? Or does it mean that he just enjoys fucking him?

Jongdae doesn't know, he's so confused, that he's taking things to desperate measures.

"What do you want, asshole?" That familiar smooth voice filters through the air as Jongdae steps into the small practice room, the wall to wall mirrors showing him the extent of how pathetic he is.

"Come on, Jonginnie, show your favorite hyung some love" Jongdae coos opening his arms, knowing the kid can't resist a chance at physical contact.

Jongin glares at him, but still slinks across the room in that graceful way only Jongin can. He folds himself into Jongdae, allowing the older to wrap his arms around him and hold him close.

"I'm mad at you" Jongin says, his words muffled into the older's shirt.

Jongdae soothes his hand through the boy's hair "you've talked to Minseok?"

Jongin nods and pulls away with terribly hid reluctance "on wednesday, when you didn't show up for dinner he looked like a beat puppy, and then we had lunch yesterday... He's not doing good, Hyung. I've never seen him so upset"

Jongdae sighs, hanging his head. He was afraid of this happening, the last person he wanted to be against him is Jongin.

"I know NiNi, I just..."

"You need time" Jongin says, without even a second thought.

Jongdae breathes out relived and nods "yeah, it's kind of hectic up here" he says pointing to his head.

Jongin gives him a sympathetic look, as he reaches out and traces Jongdae's sternum with his fingertips "and here"

Jongdae's eyebrows bunch together and he lets his head hang "yeah"

Jongin sighs wrapping his arms around Jongdae "why do you do this to yourself, Hyung?"

Jongdae should have known better than trying to hide anything from Jongin, ever since they were little kids and Jongin would crawl into Jongdae's bed during a storm because he was scared even though he never asked him too, he just knew, Jongin always knows. Sometime he wonders who the older brother is.

"You know you're not them right?" Jongin asks, forcing Jongdae to pull away in confusion. Jongin sighs and reaches out affectionately running his hand through his older brothers hair "you're not mom and dad, Jongdae. Not every relationship you get into will end up like theirs. It's ok to love someone, Dae... It's ok to let someone in"

Jongdae rolls his eyes "I know I'm not them, kid. But they're a perfect example as to why relationships don't work. Mom and dad were amazing together, they loved each other so much, but by the end they had nothing but bitter words and hateful stares for one another. I mean, even after years of good memories, three kids, and a lot of happiness, it just turned into a battle of who could hurt the other more"

Jongin takes a deep breath and moves away from Jongdae, back to the mirrored wall "they did love each other, Dae, but dad was gone all the time, and they grew apart. They became different people, they became people that wasn't meant to be with the other. At first it sucked, and they said harsh things about each other and they weren't fond of the other person, but do you want to know what mom told me after they first separated?"

Jongdae teeters around the room ending up at the elaborate sounds system set up, filing through the extensive cd collection "what"

Jongin props his foot up on a bar bolted into mirror wall and effortlessly stretches forward in an act of flexibility Jongdae's always been jealous of "mom told me that she still loves dad, she's not in love with him anymore, but all of those years together and all of the happiness are still fond memories for her. She said that even though they grew apart and it didn't work out, she still cares for dad and sometimes she even misses him... Or well she misses the old him, the guy she fell in love with"

Jongdae grabs a random Kpop cd, turning it over "what's your point, Jongin?"

Jongin sighs, slightly annoyed "it means she doesn't regret anything, Dae. It means if she had to do it all over again, she would. She still loves dad, and all of those years didn't mean nothing, and honestly if they hadn't have grown apart, they'd probably still be together"

Jongdae stops shuffling and turns around to find his brother's eyes on him "loving someone and allowing someone to love you isn't a waste, it isn't a doomed existence. The only thing you'll regret is losing a chance at love because there's a possibility that it'll end. Making yourself miserable because you don't want to be miserable is stupid and redundant, Dae"

Jongdae blinks at his brother, finally thinking clearly for the first time in almost a whole week. Jongin is right, he's been torturing himself for pointless reasons, justifying them with bullshit. Jongdae's been allowing himself to be unhappy for the sake of not wanting to end up unhappy... How does that make any sense? 

"Strength lies in going after the things that scare the crap out of you, looking them in the eyes and choosing to take the risk. Yeah, there's a chance it won't work out and it'll hurt, but do you remember who was there for mom after the divorce? We were, hyung, and we'll be there for you, plus you have so many friends who will always be on your side now, which you know who to thank for that" Jongin says, lifting an eyebrow for emphasis.

Jongdae smiles lightly. Minseok was the one who forced him to start making friends in college, the one who convinced him that it was ok to not want to be alone and to rely on other people. He has a lot in his life to thank Minseok for, even his job which the older convinced him to apply for even after he convinced himself that it was out of his league. 

"Not that it would end badly" Jongin says, continuing "you two have been together for years, if you haven't wavered yet, it means you two are going to be strong"

"Being friends is different than being lovers" Jongdae argues.

Jongin snorts "not for you two, you guys already treat each other like lovers, all that's left is the sex part and you two would probably be fucking bomb together "

Jongdae smirks shyly "well"

Jongin's eyes widen and he bounces over to Jongdae, grabbing his arm "wait, you and Minnie hyung?"

Jongdae nods "it just kind of just happened"

"So that's what it is" Jongin says.

Jongdae stops short "wait, you didn't know? Then how did you know about my confusion about my feelings for Minseok?"

Jongin snorts and places his hands on Jongdae's shoulder giving him a little pang of annoyance over how tall his younger brother is. He hit a growth spurt in high school and didn't stop till he's a whole head taller than his older brother.

"Dae, you've been in love with Minseok since jr high. How else do you think you let some quiet, chubby, goofball past your defenses. You've always been in love with him, you just refused to let yourself see it because you were scared. But when you two slept together, you pushed those feeling to the front and now they're refusing to be pushed back down"

Jongdae bites at his lips "how am I the only one who didn't see all of this? How did I miss something so important"

Jongin smiles fondly "maybe when something comes so naturally, when feelings like these are so integrated into your heart, you don't need an epiphany moment of 'holy shit, I love him' because that 'of course I love him, it's always been him since the beginning' feeling has been there all along, it just took forever to recognize it"

Leaning forward, Jongdae rests his head against Jongin's chest "how can I be sure that it's love if I can't tell the difference?"

Jongin does that little pouty thing with his lips that he normally does when he thinks deeply about something "you have to think about the terms of love, it can be defined many different ways, you just have to define your own and decided if it fits or if he fits"

Jongdae take in a large breath, smelling the warm familiar scent of his brothers cologne. What Jongin is saying makes sense, but does Minseok make sense? In Jongdae's personal terms of love does Minseok fit?

"I don't think I've ever tried to define them because I never wanted them" Jongdae mumbles.

Jongin chuckles and grasps the older's shoulders, pushing him away to arms length "it's not something you define, hyung. It's something this thing tells you it wants"

Jongdae glances down at his brother's fingers tapping against his chest "but how do I know what it wants?"

Jongin barks a laugh and starts backing away from the older "you're going to have to do something you've never done before, hyung... You need to listen to your heart"

Jongdae internally groans 'well fuck'

 

>>>>

 

They stare at each other for a good couple of minutes, just taking in the sight of one another, taking a moment to notice subtle differences about one another that would have gone unnoticed without the distance. Minseok has circles under his eyes, like he hasn't slept a full cycle since the last time he saw Jongdae, and he guesses that he probably hasn't. 

It's tuesday, their tuesday. Minseok had texted him earlier in the day that he was coming over, whether Jongdae was busy or not, and Jongdae didn't stop him. Jongdae has a few things to tell Minseok, and it's about time he stops running.

"Um, come in i guess" Jongdae says, stepping aside to let Minseok in.

Minseok nods and hesitantly steps inside, making Jongdae internally groan. It took years to get Minseok out of that awkward, hesitant stage, around him, but it seems all it took was a week to bring it back.

"Seok" Jongdae suddenly wails, dropping to his knees, while throwing his arms around the olders torso.

Minseok jolts and gasps, turning his upper body to look down at the guy attached to his lower half "Dae, what the hell?"

Jongdae buries his face in Minseok's lower back, so very close to his ass, but he refuses to be distracted by the things he wants to do to that ass "Minnie, please don't hate me"

Minseok sighs and reaches back running his hand through Jongdae's hair "i don't hate you, stupid... actually i thought you hated me. You kind of avoided me after what happened and i thought it was because you were weirded out and didn't want to be my friend anymore"

"You're my best friend, dumbass" Jongdae pulls away and looks up into Minseok's beautifully wide eyes.

"Then what happened? Why did you pull away? Where did i lose you?" Minseok asks, turning around, a certain area very close to Jongdae's face.

Jongdae swallows hard, exercising his full self control, which he doesn't use often, and stands up out of the danger zone "i was confused"

Minseok's eyebrows bunch "confused about?"

Jongdae groans "you know how i am with sex, when i like it, i want more of it... i just... After last tuesday, i couldn't seem to get it out of my head, but you also know how i am when i'm done with someone... i didn't want you to become just another number to me, i don't want to throw you away after i satisfy my craving for you"

This lie is only a half lie, Jongdae tells himself.

Minseok take a deep, internalizing breath "so after we had sex, you wanted more, but you didn't want me to end up in your continuous line of sluts, so you dropped me for a week so you could figure your shit out?"

Jongdae blinks, not use to his Minseok talking in such a blunt way "uh, basically"

Minseok bites at his lip and steps forward into Jongdae bubble, squinting his eyes as if trying to see the fine print written on Jongdae's soul "and did that work?"

Jongdae shutters a breath, trying to hold up a strong front as Minseok's eyes bore into him, asking for him to give in "n-not really"

Minseok smirks slightly "good" then he turns on his heels and marches into the kitchen, "I'll get the beer, you order the food"

Jongdae blinks and mutters a "what the hell?" Before grabbing his phone out of his pocket and shaking his head. He doesn't really know what just happened, but he learned a long time ago that when Minseok tells you to get food, you get food.

...

Later they find themselves in the living room, one of their favorite movies playing on the tv, but neither of them are watching it.

Jongdae's hands card through Minseok's hair while the man looks up at him with dazzling wide eyes, his lips tightly wrapped around his length, bobbing his head. Jongdae groans and throws his head back, feeling Minseok press his tongue into the slit, cursing at the heavens for disguising this demon as an angel.

"Fuck, Seok, stop. I want to fuck you, don't make me cum yet" Jongdae huffs out, pulling gently at Minseok's blond locks.

 

Minseok pulls off, giving a final small lick to Jongdae's tip, and crawling onto Jongdae's lap. They make eye contact and Minseok quickly tries to advert it, but Jongdae will have none of that. He grasps the older's chin between his forefinger and thumb, and forces the boy to look at him. Minseok's eyes widen forcing his pupils to dilate more than before, causing a stunning shimmer to fill them.

"Dae?" Minseok questions, confused.

Jongdae shakes his head and reaches back, aligning his hardness with Minseok's prestretched hole, sliding the tip in slightly. He shushes the older and leans forward, releasing the boy from his grasp and pulling him into a deep, intense kiss, as he slides into him. He pushes in all the way to the base and Minseok breaks the kiss to gasp out and throws his head back, his back arching so beautifully. Jongdae wishes he never stopped taking art classes in college so he could paint a picture of it. Minseok releases a crude moan that has Jongdae pulsing inside of him, forcing the other to shudder in pleasure.

Minseok shifts and straightens himself back up, staring deeply into the other man's eyes, asking a million silent questions and making a thousand confessions that once again, as they always have, go unheard and answered. Minseok lifts up slowly and sinks back down, letting gravity do most of the work, while relishing in the feeling of Jongdae's hands smoothing across his hips.

Jongdae breathes out sharply, keeping his gaze locked with the other man's, as he keeps his slow, intimate pace. Jongdae is entrapped in Minseok's eyes, he can't look away even if he wanted to. There's something in them, something he never saw before, something he's been missing all along.

He now knows that he loves Minseok in this moment; he realizes how much Minseok feels like home, how much he's always cared for the man, wanted to take care of him, wanted eternal happiness for him. Everything Minseok is, is everything he wants, he was just afraid to want something, because getting it meant the possibility of losing it.

But love is all about risk, love is all about taking a chance and putting your heart on the line. You just have to figure out what you want and decide if they are worth it, because even if your heart gets broken, a love worth having won't be filled with regrets. Even if you know the outcome you'd still make the same choices, because that love was worth it, that love taught you something, made you a better person. 

Minseok is that love, Minseok is that person. Jongdae will never regret Minseok because, he is worth everything to him. Minseok built Jongdae, he changed him for the better, he opened his eyes to life and taught him how to truly live it. No matter what happens, Jongdae will still choose Minseok.

As Minseok wrapps his arms around Jongdae's neck and pulls him close, so their chests touch, and Jongdae meets Minseok slow stroke for slow stroke, Jongdae feels at peace with himself for the first time in years. Jongdae secures one hand between minseok shoulder blades, and the other on his lower back, forcing the boy tighter against him, and he know that this is what he's been missing all along, what he's been blindly searching for all these years... his missing piece finally fitting back into place, where it always belonged.

......

Later that night when Jongdae takes a moment to admire Minseok's beautiful sleeping form, the way his chest rises and falls, the way his mouth is slightly popped open, taking in small breaths of air, and the way his eyelids flutter lightly. Jongdae can't help but be enamored by the man laying in his arms, everything down to the way he smells is perfect and intoxicating.

Jongdae truly knows now what his heart wants, who it's always been calling out for, as he refused to listen. It's minseok. Even his heart seems to beat to the tune of the older man's name, calling out for him wildly, like a child wailing to go home.

"It's you isn't it? It's always been you" Jongdae whispers, letting his hand caress Minseok's jaw tenderly.

Minseok stirs slightly and Jongdae winces, pulling the man into his embrace, cuddling his head against his chest. He smiles as the man immediately relaxed and snuggles into him further, soaking in the feeling of Minseok's body pressed against his.

"I love you, Kim Minseok " he whispers, tightening his arms around the man. Jongdae just wants to hold onto Minseok for now, living in this perfect moment and allowing himself to believe in a love that never ends.

>>>>

"Calm down, Dae" Chanyeol berates, staring at his friend with equal amounts of concern and annoyance "you look strung out on crack"

Jongdae swallows hard and picks up his drink downing half of it "i might be a little nervous, i had planned on telling Minseok everything this morning, but the little shit slipped out of my apartment before i woke up"

Baekhyun rolls his eyes taking a small sip of his own drink "maybe he finally realized what a fuck boy you are and decided to bail before he catches feels?"

Jongdae narrows his eyes and snaps at the puppish boy across the table from him"i can do with a little less bitch right now, Baekhyun" 

"Ok, breathe, everything is going to be fine" Jongin says, placing a hand on his shoulder "remember, friends, not food, Dae"

Jongdae take a deep calming breath "i'm fine, i'm chill, everything's fine"

"Why does everyone look like a brawl is about to break out" a certain person asks, making electricity shoot up Jongdae's back and prickle through his veins.

He is not fine, he is not chill, everything's not fine. Jongdae is freaking the fuck out. He can't do this, he can't. 

He's calmed in a instant however, when a soft touch is placed to the back of his neck, sending pleasurable shivers up his spine.

He smiles and turns around in his chair "i'm fine, Seok"

Minseok smiles fondly at him, his hand still placed almost possessively over the nape of Jongdae's neck "good, because i have important news"

"Me too, but you go first" Jongdae says, reaching out to touch Minseok's hip.

Minseok nods, and lets go of Jongdae, much to the youngers disappointment "Dae, i have someone i want to introduce to you" he says, pulling someone forward that Jongdae just realized was standing behind his best friend "this is Kyungsoo"

Jongdae stares at the owl eyed boy curiously, and looks up at Minseok seeking an explanation, who gives him a heartbreaking one in the form of "my boyfriend"

Jongdae blanks out, watching everyone greet Kyungsoo, and everyone sitting down together, exchanging friendly conversation. Jongdae misses the worried glances cast at him from his friends, and even a few comments thrown at him from his brother, whose voice he could normally hear through a crowd.

The only voice he does hear is one he could never miss "Jongdae?"

Jongdae's head shoots up, locking eyes with Minseok across the table "huh?"

Minseok sighs, looking frustrated "kyungsoo asked you a question"

Jongdae swallows his heart back down his throat, and mumbles out a "um, sorry... um Kyungsoo, what was that?"

Kyungsoo smiles politely, not in the slightest bit fazed by Jongdae's rude tone "i asked what you do"

Jongdae rolls his eyes at the stunning example of originality Kyungsoo has come up with for a question "i'm a head writer and freelance photographer for a music magazine"

Kyungsoo genuinely looks surprised "that's so neat, do you get to travel to a lot of shows?"

Jongdae sit back in his chair with his arms folded "a few"

Kyungsoo clears his throat at the obvious cut off from his attempt to make conversation, and shifts awkwardly which prompts Minseok to frown deeply at him and reach over to pat Kyungsoo reassuringly on the arm. The act is like a kick to the stomach for Jongdae, and he suddenly feels like he's suffocating.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this" Jongdae says, standing up out of his chair quickly and heading for the door.

Not even his name called over his shoulder keeps him from nearly running out of the restaurant. He stops once his feet hit the sidewalk and bends over, breathing deeply with his head between his knees.

What the fuck was that? Minseok just gets a new boyfriend? Just like that? Not to mention that Minseok is way out of that guys league, and he isn't even his best friends type.

"Jongdae" that has the man standing up straight.

Jongdae swivels around, greeted with his best friends annoyed, slightly pissed off, but also moderately concerned face.

"What's wrong? What happened in there?" Minseok asks.

Jongdae closes his eyes briefly "so Kyungsoo huh?"

Minseok sighs "he's a good guy, Dae. He's good for me, and he's good to me. you'd know that if you took more than two minutes to make a judgment of him. Why are you always like this? You never give any of my boyfriends a chance, you always find something wrong with them"

Jongdae understands this to be truth, he's always done that, criticizing and disproving every boyfriend Minseok gets, he use to chalk it up to being protective and wanting the best for his best friend, but now he knows the truth.

"Were you two together last night? When we...." Jongdae trails off, expecting the worst.

Minseok shakes his head "no, we just started casually dating a couple weeks ago, he wanted to take it slow, so we weren't a serious thing. He just asked me to be his boyfriend earlier today, actually"

"When? After you left my apartment this morning? I wonder, did you even have a chance to clean my cum out of your ass before you agreed to be some assholes boyfriend?"

The wince Minseok makes, forces a wave of regret and guilt to flush through Jongdae's chest "I don't know what's been going on with you lately, but you have no right to be rude to Kyungsoo like that, especially when he has done absolutely nothing wrong" Minseok scolds, while blinking his eyes rapidly, usually a sign that he's about to cry.

Jongdae laughs bitterly "just being with you is a punishable offense"

Minseok's eyes widen and he takes a step back, placing a hand over his heart, the hurt palpable across his face "w-what does that mean?"

Jongdae sighs, closing his eyes briefly "it means, damn it, no... It means he shouldn't be with you, he's not good enough for you. It means I..." Jongdae stops and drops his shoulders in defeat "It means I should be with you"

Minseok's eyes do that whole hamster thing that Jongdae usually finds adorable, but in this situation it just makes him feel the full weight of how much he's missed his best friend, how much he craves to have him closer, even when he's standing right in front of him.

"W-what?.. I don't understand, Dae" Minseok says, looking confused and even a little vulnerable.

Jongdae steps forward and grabs the sides of Minseok's shirt, pulling the older towards him "it means I'm in love with you, stupid"

Jongdae understands exactly what he just did, the second Minseok's jaw drops open and he just stands there wide eyes, blinking steadily "w-what?"

Jongdae groans, pulling at his hair roughly "that wasn't how i planned to tell you, shit... ok, um, so i'm... damn it" Jongdae stops rambling and takes a steadying breath, deciding to communicate in the best way he knows how, by using his body.

When Jongdae's lips meet Minseok's, it's not in rushed fervor like it was last time, it doesn't feel experimental like it had before where Jongdae was just trying to get a feel of what it was like to kiss a man, it wasn't even like last night when a thousand emotions were felt, but none translated. No, this time, it was certain, it was calculated. This kiss is saying one thing and one thing only "i love you"

Jongdae wants Minseok and no one else, Jongdae needs Minseok, craves him like he's never craved anything. Maybe that's why he was always seeking comfort for unattached sex, because the only person he was ever meant to be connected to was this little man in his arms.

Jongdae pulls away and rests his forehead against the smallers "I'm sorry I've been so distant lately, I've just been trying to figure out my shit, and the only conclusion that I could come up with, the only one that I always came back to is that I'm in love with you and kind of have been for a while"

"But you're not..."

"Gay? Fucking tell me about it. My mental state had a field day with that one. I mean, don't get me wrong, I still like boobs and vaginas are the bees knees, but damn it, Minseok... I crave your body like I've never known another, and I don't know if it's just you or if I wouldn't mind an occasional dick, but I just... I want you, Minnie, and only you... I love you"

Minseok's heart suddenly situates itself in his chest and he finally allows himself to take a breath, one he's been holding onto for a very long time.

"I never thought I'd hear you say those words" Minseok sniffles, clutching at Jongdae liked he'd fall if he didn't

"Wait what?" Jongdae asks, pulling away to look into his best friends eye's.

Minseok takes in a deep breath "I've been in love with you since we were kids, idiot. How could I not, you always took care of me in high school, protected me, made me feel happy and loved... I fell for you fast and hard. I tried over the years to get over you, move on, but that's why those relationships never worked, that's why they always left me... Because they all knew that they'd never compare to you in my eyes, that there would alway be you at the top of my list"

"Why... Why didn't you say anything?" Jongdae asks in disbelief.

Minseok snorts "yes, let me admit to my only and very straight friend that I'm in love with him, that usually goes over well"

Jongdae thinks about it then nods "ok, yeah, but wait... Why did you sleep with me, if you had feelings like that for me? Wouldn't that only have hurt you in the long run?"

Minseok smiles sadly "i thought that I at least could get this, if I never got you to love me. I could at least have you in that way, pretend for a little bit that you feel that way towards me and want me as much as I wanted you... And maybe after that I could move on, finally let go of you and stop putting you at the top of my list"

Jongdae moves in closer, pulling Minseok tighter against him, smirking slightly "did it work?"

Minseok blushes and averts his gaze, at having his own words used against him "if anything, you reclaimed your position with a newfound cockiness"

Jongdae smirks "well I did fuck you into my mattress... Twice. Three, if you count the time on the couch"

Minseok bites at his lip "yeah, you did"

Jongdae's hands slide down Minseok's front, before curving around to grip the older's hips "what if I want to do it again... What if I want to prove to you how I feel"

Minseok smiles shyly and looks over his shoulder, before his lips drop into a small frown "what about Kyungsoo?"

Jongdae glances up and catches the eyes of Jongin, who is sitting suspiciously close to Kyungsoo, through the large window in front of the restaurant. His brother gives him a wink and motions his chin forward, telling him everything he needs to know.

"Don't worry, he's in good hands. Come on, Minnie, I want you naked and in my bed within the hour" Jongdae says starting to pull Minseok down the sidewalk.

But he's stopped when the man yanks on his hand and calls out "wait"

Jongdae turns around, wide eyed "what's wrong?"

"I want to hear you say it, I want to hear those words again" Minseok says, averting his gaze, nervously.

The younger takes a moment to think, then the metaphorical light bulb blinks on above his head, and he once again pulls Minseok against him.

"Kim Minseok, I love you" Jongdae states as simply as he would his own name. 

Minseok takes in a deep breath as if he's absorbing the words into his body, and holds tightly onto the man. A large grin spreading across his beautiful face. "homo?"

Jongdae chuckles and leans into the boy, brushing his lips against the others, in a small reassuring kiss "definitely homo"


End file.
